Step 1: Lead Not Plead
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When there’s a problem in the marriage, we often think it “takes two to Tango”. After all, a marriage consists of two people, therefore it would make sense that you need to work it out together.
If it’s a small issue, talking and working it out can help.
However, if you’re at the stage where he’s already withdrawn from you and there’s a lack of intimacy and connection in the relationship, “working on the marriage” won’t help.
Marriage counseling won’t work because he’s already checked out emotionally.
He’ll go to counseling because you’ve convinced him that by talking to an expert about your issues it will help, but the truth is, he will only be doing it FOR YOU.
He will NOT be going to help himself or your marriage.
He’s already closed off emotionally, so no counseling is going to help.
Counseling brings up the issues, opens wounds, and places blame, but in the end, nothing changes and the situation is the same. Therefore he’s not going to perceive you any differently either, so it’s a waste of time.
Here’s the shift you need to make
Don’t rely on your spouse to change. You have the power yourself to inspire change.
Nagging him to work on your problems only causes more resentment and distance.
In fact, leading the change you want to see in your marriage is more effective than trying to force him to read a book or do a course together.
With the right knowledge, you’ll know the key actions to drastically increase connection and decrease conflicts. When you implement that knowledge, you’ll be proud and amazed at how much you’re really capable of.
Trust that you can, and you can. Don’t worry, I’ll show you the step-by-step actions in a second….